World poetry day - The Lotus Eaters

To honor World Poetry Day, I have to write about Lord Tennyson's poemThe Lotus Eaters. This poem has shaped much of my life in a wonderful way!

I first learned about the poem in one of the Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder. The book listed part of the poem. I don't remember how old I was; maybe nine. The poem intrigued me, and after two visits to the bookstore (I would roam the bookstore for hours while I waited for my parents at the mall), I was able to find a book with the entire poem in it. I was still rather young, so I did not quite grasp the story at the time, but the book mentioned it was based on The Odyssey. So I found a copy of that. And I didn't understand a word.

But, I found books about The Odyssey that were easier to read, and some short adaptations to parts of Odysseus' adventures. And those books got me into Greek and Roman mythology. Which got me into fantasy. Which got me into Sci-fi. Which got me into some really good, thought-provoking reading.

But also, The Lotus Eaters provided me with a once in a lifetime opportunity! In my junior year in high school, I was taking SAT prep courses before school. The teacher was going over vocabulary and literature, and she mentioned Tennyson. She asked if any of us knew any Tennyson poems, so I mentioned The Lotus Eaters and quoted a verse. She was so impressed that I was familiar with that poem (you need to understand that many of the kids in my prep class were considered disadvantaged) that a few weeks later she suggested I write an essay for a chance to be part of an exchange group to Israel, and she would write me a letter of recommendation. I did, and I was selected to go to Israel for a month.

I love reading poetry. I'm not a very talented poet, and I would much rather read poems than write them. There is just something about reading the right prose at the right time from the right poet. Maybe if I were a decent poet I would be able to explain. But for now you will just have to take my word for it.

Anyway, enough about me. Here's the poem:

The Lotus-Eaters

by Lord Alfred Tennyson
(1809-1892)

---

"Courage!" he said, and pointed toward the land,
"This mounting wave will roll us shoreward soon."
In the afternoon they came unto a land
In which it seemed always afternoon.
All round the coast the languid air did swoon,
Breathing like one that hath a weary dream.
Full-faced above the valley stood the moon;
And like a downward smoke, the slender stream
Along the cliff to fall and pause and fall did seem.

A land of streams! some, like a downward smoke,
Slow-dropping veils of thinnest lawn, did go;
And some thro' wavering lights and shadows broke,
Rolling a slumbrous sheet of foam below.
They saw the gleaming river seaward flow
From the inner land: far off, three mountain-tops,
Three silent pinnacles of aged snow,
Stood sunset-flush'd: and, dew'd with showery drops,
Up-clomb the shadowy pine above the woven copse.

The charmed sunset linger'd low adown
In the red West: thro' mountain clefts the dale
Was seen far inland, and the yellow down
Border'd with palm, and many a winding vale
And meadow, set with slender galingale;
A land where all things always seem'd the same!
And round about the keel with faces pale,
Dark faces pale against that rosy flame,
The mild-eyed melancholy Lotos-eaters came.

Branches they bore of that enchanted stem,
Laden with flower and fruit, whereof they gave
To each, but whoso did receive of them,
And taste, to him the gushing of the wave
Far far away did seem to mourn and rave
On alien shores; and if his fellow spake,
His voice was thin, as voices from the grave;
And deep-asleep he seem'd, yet all awake,
And music in his ears his beating heart did make.

They sat them down upon the yellow sand,
Between the sun and moon upon the shore;
And sweet it was to dream of Fatherland,
Of child, and wife, and slave; but evermore
Most weary seem'd the sea, weary the oar,
Weary the wandering fields of barren foam.
Then some one said, "We will return no more";
And all at once they sang, "Our island home
Is far beyond the wave; we will no longer roam."

- Blogpress post from my iPad

And so it begins...

I have been considering euthanasia for this blog. Ever since Google took over blogger.com, I have had a hard time with the layout, the pictures, and using the HTML. I have ditched several postings because I just have given up on tinkering with the site. The funny thing is, I seem to be the only person who is having these issues. Even my new blog, Writing Fantasy, is working fine. So I figured it would be best to just delete this blog and move on.

But then I began to read my old posts, and I became sentimental. It was as if the blog was staring at me with puppy-dog eyes, begging me to give it another chance. After all, I did put some TLC into it, and there are some nice memories involved. So I gave in to the awww, you poor thing feeling, and here I am, updating.

I will give you another chance, stubborn blog. I will go back and reflect on my past posts, and remember. I will update as best I can, but do not expect any earth-shattering prose or essays from me. See, I am busy, busier than even I expected to be, and my life is a classic case of ADD, where I am pulled away from my present tasks by either a rugrat, a phone call, an e-mail, or the doorbell. And once I am pulled away, I am adrift in an ocean of half-finished to-do items that I must get done.

And so it begins. My first novel of the Draca Wards saga is now for sale as an e-book on Kindle and Amazon. I will announce the print release as soon as it becomes available. And I can do a bit of shameless self-promotion here as well.

B.

Time for some shameless self-promotion

So there is good news, and bad news. The good news: September (book launch time) is almost here. The bad news: I don't think I will see my book in print by September. I suppose delays are common but it is still disappointing. There is still a good possibility that the book will be released as an e-book this fall, so I am still holding out hope. In any case, the time has come to start pitching my first book.

My story is a fantasy novel about five children sought after by dragons. The dragons can bond with these children in a special way. I have a website that provides more information. Below is the caption on my homepage.

Five children...hunted by dragons for their special powers and their ability to bond with dragons.

Some dragons are good, some are not, but they all have the same goal: To find the children, bond them, and make them their own.

So if you like dragons and fantasy stories, or know someone who does, please check out my website: www.dracawards.com

B.

Home from vacation, and an online story

After a few days back home, I believe I have finally recuperated from our trip to the Turks & Caicos Islands. My sister had her wedding there, so we made it part of our long overdue family vacation.

Turks & Caicos has to be the Caribbean’s best kept secret. The residents are very nice and friendly, and the beaches are heavenly. It is hard not to fall in love with such a place. We stayed at the Beaches resort, which is absolutely magnificent! The wedding was beautiful and the food was great. It is impossible to be bored or hungry there, and there is something for everyone to do. My only regret is not having any time to myself. I had hoped to find a place to sit and watch the sun go down over the ocean, or to catch a few moments for some daydreaming and hopefully a bit of creative inspiration. That did not happen. The most I got was a few hours at the spa, which was relaxing, but a couple of ladies nearby with their senseless comments about how sorry they feel for the ‘natives’ spoiled the whole reflective moment. I am not quite sure what they meant by that, since I was trying hard to tune them out.

 

In any case, just because I was not able to snatch any selfish ‘me’ time does not mean that I feel it ruined my vacation. There were plenty of good moments, and I met some really cool people as well. This is what truly ruined the entire trip for me: I lost my wedding rings. I do not want to elaborate; let’s just say that I am back home, and my rings are not, and although I contacted the resort to see if anyone found them and turned them in, I don’t expect to get them back. 

Now on to a different subject. I have a URL where I plan to post installments of my science fiction story, titled Hyperspace. I have used this story mostly for practice, and I never intended to do much with it.  But the story is developing quite well, and hopefully if I can get some online interest in it I may be able to get some feedback on my writing style, or better yet, some online exposure! So far I have the background of the story posted, but soon I will start adding the story installments. The URL is www.bpinestories.com

Check it out!

B.

A trip to the bookstore!

My hubby’s birthday was yesterday.  He took the day off, I baked him a cake, and we spent the day at home not doing much of anything as he tried to decide what to do for his special day.  That evening we went out for sushi, and he finally decided what he wanted to do for his special evening.  So we left the restaurant and drove over to the bookstore. Yay!

Now, aside from a quick trip to Barnes and Noble last week, I had not visited a bookstore in over a year.  I can thank Amazon for that.  It is just too easy to download a book from my Kindle.  And even if I want to get a certain book in print, all I have to do is pick up my laptop (or presently, my iPad).  Sample chapters and synopses are available online, and I can have a book shipped to me as soon as the following day, if I’m willing to pay for it.  It just makes it too easy to brush aside a bookstore trip, and now I think I am beginning to regret staying away.

Of course, having no kids in tow made strolling up and down the aisles quite peaceful, but even if they had been with us it would have been just as enjoyable.  Browsing through the books - so many books to choose from, too - is just plain fun. It is refreshing.  And it gives you something to look forward to when you get home.  You don’t really get that feeling from a digital book.  

We browsed around until closing time.  We went in different directions, bumping into each other here and there.  I started off at the new releases and hot sellers, mostly gardening books due to the time of year.  From there I meandered into the Fantasy/Sci-Fi section.  I found a book by Karin Lowachee, called The Gaslight Dogs.  I had read a review a few days before by The Fantasy Cafe blog, and it was not a bad review. I read a few pages, and the Charlaine Harris section caught my eye.  I haven’t read any of her books, but I am hooked on the HBO True Blood series, and my sister is an ardent Charlaine Harris fan.  Something else caught my attention before I could pick up her latest book, however.  There is something about the fantasy and science fiction book aisles that give me a weird case of ADD.

The ADD eased off once I hit the Humor section, and by the time I hit the General Reference section I was back in the real world, sort of.  By the time I heard the closing announcement, I was in the Children’s section, desperately trying to decide which books to choose.  Hubby already had his, tucked under his arm.  Finally, my practical side took over and I chose just one book- a book I could read to the little ones.  But that’s OK.  It gives me an excuse to go back.

I made it a point to blog about our bookstore trip so I could come back to this while I am clicking my way around blogs and hopefully remember how cool it is to go to a bookstore.  I am the quintessential gadget girl.  I love to play with electronic stuff.  I own a Kindle, a Sony E-reader, and an iPad.  I have plenty of e-books.  But I also love the feel of a nice thick tome.  I like to skim through pages and sometimes sneak a peek ahead.  I like to book shop; I like to scan and see which covers catch my attention and read the back cover to see if the story piques my curiosity.  I had forgotten how that feels during this past year, and I don’t want to forget again.  Besides, I have a book coming out sometime this fall, and I cannot wait to hold it in my hands.  And I really want people to buy my print book over my e-book.  If people stop buying books, they will become too expensive to print, and the bookstores will eventually go away.   And that would be horrible.  So I think I will back away from the e-books for a bit and go back to my local bookstore to buy some real books.  My publisher, Silver Leaf Books, has released several books this year that sound like an interesting read, so I shall start my book shopping spree by ordering some books from my fellow authors.

Writing in places I have never written before

The typos you may see in this post were left there deliberately.  I am on my patio steps tapping away on my touch screen keyboard on my almost 2 week old iPad. There are hundreds of reviews on this little (or should I say not that little) gadget, so I am not going to write a mini essay on the pros and cons of the iPad.  I have found some cool things, and some not-so-cool things about it.  however, I will get you guys in on how it delivers when it comes to the two reasons I decided to break open my piggy bank and invest in a first generation, likely overpriced model tablet 'computer'.

the main reason was to have something I could take with me and write. If you have read my earlier posts you probably remember my despair at how my iTouch did not quite cut it for me when it came to writing. The keyboard was just too small. The iPad seemed to be the right size, but early reviewers mostly hated the touch keyboard. I was waffling, but decided to pre-order it anyway.  Then I found out that shipments were delayed for Apple Store orders.  No biggie, I just dragged my sister off to the nearest Apple store on Saturday morning , about 40 minutes away.  At least I would be able to play with it before deciding if this was the right gadget for me.  As it turned out, it took me no time to get used to the keyboard.  My speed is about as fast as a regular keyboard.  i would say faster,  but I have to swith keyboards to get to the quotation marks, which I use a lot.  And as you can see, there are a few typos, but they are minor and my post is still quite legible (although I am sure it is a bit annoying for some).

My other reason was to be able to read e-books and surf the web easily from room to room and outside while chasing the rug rats.  Indoors it is awesome.  The size is pleasant, it feels nice to hold and it the e-books app is vry pretty and easy to use.  However, the Wifi keeps dropping, and I have to constantly reset the settings whenever I turn it off or it goes to sleep.  First generation glitch, most likely.  Also, and this is a biggie, the iPad does not support Flash.  So as far as web surfing, I will stick to my laptop for the most part.

Using it outdoors is not as nice. It is hard to see in the sun, an dit overheats easily on hot bright days, so I can only use it in the shade.  And another annoying thing I discovered: my polarized sunglasses makes the screen invisible.

Overall I am pleased with my latest toy.  the biggest benefit is to be able to read more.  i have been browsing through Blogspot and have found a few cool blogs. and I have been able to get some writing in as well.  Not to mention being able to finally find time to update my blog. :-/

Gadget Girl Fails!

As you can probably deduce from my last post, even after weeks of tinkering I still cannot get my apps to post exactly the way I want them to. But I do not blame the apps. I am under the delusion that I can immediately grasp any new technology and master it by simply playing around with it for a few days. Hello! McFly!!

That may have been true ten years ago when my brain was young and fit and didn’t have the strain of having to keep pace with three kids. My oldest son has several CompTIA certifications, so he officially knows more about computers than I do. That is humbling in itself. But deep down I fear that the Peter Principle applies to technology as well, and the day will come where I will no longer be able to grasp the concept of the latest and greatest invention since sliced bread. That thought has kept me awake at night more than once.

Aside from my paranoid thoughts of becoming too old and too stupid to work an iTouch, the device that I believed would be the solution to all my writing obstacles has in itself created a big one for me. I consider myself an average texter (though I can't hold a candle to my son) and I am comfortable enough with the touch keyboard on my iTouch, but when I use it to get some prose down, my writing slows to a virtual stop. At 50 wpm, my typing was never very fast, but the iTouch brings it down to 15-20. And even with the auto-correct function, I see the typos that I drop as I type, and the temptation to go back and fix is just too much for me. Yesterday I did some writing while waiting for my youngest son at martial arts class. Forty minutes. Eight sentences. FAIL!

I still love my iTouch, and I love to be able to write on my tiny device while I am out and about. I just have to get better at it. And I probably have to stop trying so hard. My blog has suffered because of it. And I have a map to finish, but more about that next time.

B.

And two months later, I finally post a status update. Yay!

Gadget Girl!

Well, there goes my bi-weekly blogging goal! I have been procrastinating, sort of, because I am trying to arrange it so that I can blog and post directly from my iTouch.

I am on my computer, so I have not quite reached that goal. But there are a few apps I think are promising. My favorite so far is Glue. It allows you to post on different sites, and you can ad as many feeds as you want. I would use it to post this entry right now, but I have not figured out whether Glue can post images, and I just had to upload this shot of my iTouch. He,he.

I love gadgets. I always try to get the latest and greatest, as long as it catches my attention and I know I can learn how to fully utilize it. But right now I feel that my iTouch will be the last mobile device I will be getting for a long time. That is, unless Apple decides to end its exclusive agreement with a certain company that I will never subscribe to.

We shall see how well Glue does for me. I will do my next post with it.

B.

A nice drive, disposable plates and a cup o' Joe

I knew that there would be things that I would miss once I stopped working. I was not sure how much it would bother me, but I expected some things to bother me more than others. There are things I miss, but they are not what I had expected them to be.

I miss the adult interaction with my co-workers. But I do not miss it as much as I feared. Facebook is wonderful for keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances. It almost makes up for the face-to-face banter. I am not a very social person anyway. There are several at-home moms in my neighborhood with children close to my own in age, so if I need some adult conversation all I need to do is reach out to my neighbors (which I have yet to do), or take a walk over to Mom's. And the best part is, I can use Facebook with one hand while I feed the baby with the other!

I spend much more time in the kitchen than I thought I would. One would think that a dishwasher, a microwave oven and non-stick cookware can help get you in and out of the kitchen in no time. Ha! Cable TV shows also make cooking seem like a snap. Rachel Ray might be able to whip up a meal in 30 minutes but I am sure she doesn't have to clean the pots, the floor and the counters afterwards. And she does not have two kids playing underfoot! I would like to see at least one show where she has to constantly shoo a preschooler out of the kitchen, dodge flying sippy cups, and hold a conversation with a smart-assed high school kid above the noise of a screaming baby while chopping onions. Yeah, that's an episode I would love to see.

I thought I would miss shopping for myself but I don't. Any sort of shopping has now become a chore. I would much rather browse online for things and although I admit I have been tempted to snag a few things, so far it has not been hard to tell myself I don't need it and move on. We'll see how well I can keep my shopping urges down through the holiday season.

All in all, I have been content with my lifestyle change. I have been okay for the most part with the things I have given up. That is not to say I don't miss them. Below are the three things I miss the most:

My commute. Yes, really. I know that probably sounds crazy to most people, but as far as driving to work goes, it did not get much better than mine. It would take me ten minutes to get to work; fifteen if traffic was bad or I caught all the red lights. I drove against rush traffic and there was ample parking in the employee parking lot. But more than the drive, I miss the time I had to myself. Twenty minutes of peaceful time to myself. It doesn't sound like much, and I never thought twice about it. It is one of those things you don't know you have until you don't have it anymore.

Paper plates. True, it is not the most environmentally responsible thing to do, but using paper plates was one of the ways we saved time (and water) back when we were a two income household. We would eat supper at my mother's house, so our main meal at home was breakfast. We had very little time to eat in the morning, and the last thing we wanted to come home to at night was a stack of dirty dishes, so we would stock up on paper plates. Now, paper plates are an unnecessary luxury, but even with a dishwasher it is a pain to keep the dirty dishes from piling up. My dishwasher use has more than tripled since I
stopped working. Considering all the time I spend in the kitchen, any shortcut would be welcome, but the convenience and savings on my water bill does not justify the cost or the wastefulness. So I will reserve the paper plates for certain occasions.

And the thing I miss more than anything else:



A really good cup of coffee. I am not talking about a $3.50 Venti Misto. The best coffee is the cup you make at home- your way! I am talking about a half-cup of freshly ground, dark roast coffee scooped into the coffee maker basket first thing in the morning. Sam's Club's fair trade organic brand is one of the best, but a pound of Dunkin' Donuts whole bean will do. But at 8 to 16 dollars a pound, that too was a casualty of the lifestyle change. Now the morning greets me with whatever I can find on sale (ugh)! Too bad Sam’s Club does not do discount sales on their coffee.

All things considered, I really don't have much to complain about. There are people out there losing their jobs, losing their homes. I am blessed enough to have the means to be home with my children during their preschool years. On the other hand, to say that I am truly content would be fooling myself. But this is a good thing. I hope to someday be able to once again buy whatever coffee I wish. However, for the sake of environmental responsibility, I am going to have to reconsider my preference for paper plates.

A dark, sad time

I haven’t been looking forward to writing about my dad, but I realize it is important to do so for this blog. Even though he was very sick for a long time, he had overcome so many close calls and setbacks that it was still a shock when he finally did pass. My father loved life and did not want to die, even though he was frail and in constant pain. He was a fighter, too, so the way he left us was rather unexpected.

My father had cirrhosis of the liver. When the liver ceases to function properly, the toxins build up in the brain, causing encephalopathy. The way I understand it to be, encephalopathy is the effect of damaged or destroyed brain cells, which causes the afflicted person to lose motor function, causing what is called ‘the shakes’. It is similar to Parkinson’s Disease. The toxins, mainly ammonia that is not filtered out of the bloodstream, also affect lucidity. There is a medicine that works wonders on this. It is a simple chemical, I believe a type of sugar called enulose, that both neutralizes the ammonia in the body and flushes out the body to help remove toxins and things the liver would normally take care of. My father took this for years, but unfortunately the effect slowly diminished.

Once I was home with the little ones my mother was able to focus her attention on my father. The trembling and confusion from the encephalopathy meant that he had to be watched around the clock, so being home at that time was exactly what needed to happen. But I would like to note that I am not the hero here. When my sister realized what was going on she made arrangements with her employer to telecommute so she could help out. He was so happy to see her. My mother was able to run errands and take breaks. And, my sister would be there for as long as she needed to be. As it turned out, it wasn’t all that long.

I knew my father was not going to bounce back this time. But I expected- everyone expected- a long, drawn-out process, with him fighting all the way. I was prepared to face IV feeding, long days at hospitals, bedside vigils as he slid into a coma. What I did not expect was to be visiting my parents one night, trying unsuccessfully to help my dad sit up, and then have my sister knocking on my door early the next morning to tell me that he was on his last breaths. By the time I got to Mom’s house, he was gone. Though he was very sick for a very long time, it was still as shocking and perplexing as if he had been run over by a bus. I still don’t understand why it was so sudden. I only pray that he wasn’t trying to sit up the night before to try to give me a hug or say goodbye.

But even more stunning than my father’s passing was how my dog suddenly got sick. I assumed he was stressed about everything that was going on and disregarded his lack of appetite and vomiting. But the day after the funeral (Easter Sunday) he looked so sick that I took him to the emergency vet, who diagnosed him with renal failure. They kept him overnight but he did not respond to treatment. We had to put him to sleep the next day. I cannot even begin to describe how guilty I still feel for ignoring him. That was four days after my dad passed away.

The following couple of weeks were tough. Thank God for family. They are always there when you need them. Never ever take your family for granted, even if you don’t see them very much. Because when you must get through your darkest hours, they are the ones who will be there to help you through. Thank you everyone for your condolences and warm wishes. They were much needed and welcome.

So one afternoon not long afterwards I am sitting at my computer, with no job, no dog, and no dad. I am going through my e-mail and find a message from the editor of a tiny publishing company I had submitted one of my stories to. It was not a rejection letter. Quite the opposite.

Sometime next year my first novel will be published. It may sound like a happy ending, but it’s not. It is only the beginning, and I have a lot of work to do.

B

Three weeks notice

When I decided to resign, I thought the hard part was over. I discussed it with my husband, who was behind me all the way. I spoke with my bosses, which was a bit tough. There was no epiphany, no celestial sign or straw that broke the camel’s back. Simply put, I was in a situation where I had to decide what would be best for my family, and follow through on what I felt had to be done. It is not an easy thing to do.

People talk about having to leave your ‘comfort zone‘ in order to succeed in life. Well, I know thousands of moms would do anything for the opportunity to have this choice, but unless you are truly miserable at work, believe me when I say that walking away from your job is the ultimate in comfort zone abandonment. My income is gone, my independence is compromised, my identity has shifted. Nope, not comfortable at all.

So, I made my decision, notified everyone who needed to know, and began to prepare. I gave three weeks notice. Three weeks of explaining to everyone why I decided to quit. Three weeks of questions, reactions and comments. Most of my coworkers understood, some did not. The most memorable reaction was the one from my direct report, Emily. I was typing up my notice when she breezes into my office.

“Whatcha doin’?” she asked as she skirted around my desk to see what I was working on. Yes, she is nosy that way, but it never bothered me. I would always tell her to mind her own business if I was handling anything sensitive. It did make it a bit challenging to write her reviews and performance reports.

“Writing my resignation letter,” I replied. She was going to find out sooner or later.

“What? Stop it!” she said. She looked at my monitor and turned a little pale. “You are not kidding!”

“Nope, not kidding,” I told her.

She was a bit shocked and upset. She complained for a few days. She told me, “It was not supposed to work this way. You were supposed to get Andy’s job (my boss) and I was supposed to get your job. This sucks!”

I know how unsettling it is to have a well-liked boss move on with little notice, so I sympathized. All in all, she took it rather well. But don’t feel bad for her. The nosy little goober has my job now. She fully deserves it, though.

So after the last three weeks I was ready to exchange my cluttered office for my cluttered kitchen. I must admit I did get cold feet the last day, and very nearly ran to HR to tell them to forget the whole thing, I would be back on Monday. But I didn’t, and Monday came along with me getting ready to make breakfast for my 3-year-old around the same time I would be looking for a good parking spot at work.

As it turned out, it was the right thing to do at the time. Six weeks later, my Dad passed away.

Me at home- seven months later

Although it has been just over seven months since I resigned from my job, I have yet to get into a set routine. I am not sure why, whether it is the chaos of caring for two small kids, or all the changes that have happened this year, or if I just try to avoid routines, but I figure if I have not settled into a daily pattern by now, I never will.

So, I will stop waiting for the right time to start blogging and just start. My goal is to update this once or twice a week (I will try for biweekly posts, but I am not good with set routines). So for my first shot at a blog, I will begin with a little background about me.

Up until February 2009, I worked full time as an accountant. I have three children, ages 16, 3 and 10 months. The two oldest are boys, and the baby is a girl. My mother retired from her job as a teacher a few years ago and my parents moved into a house up the street from mine to be near their grandsons. Baby Zoie joined the family on Halloween of 2008, and so my story begins.

I must admit that I considered staying home while I was still pregnant. I am sure almost every mother-to-be weighs the option, at the very least. But I had a good job, a 10-minute commute, nice bosses, wonderful co-workers, and Grandma to babysit. And the economic uncertainty made the thought of resigning a foolish move. So, I took as much maternity leave as I could, and went back to work. Life was cool.

Then my father started to get sick. Well, he got sicker. His liver disease caused many ups and downs, and he had been sick before, but it was different this time. I cannot pinpoint what was different, but my mother was under a lot of strain. The baby cried and screamed, the toddler became difficult, and my father slowly got worse. Thank goodness my grandmother was there to help Mom.

Worried about my parents and getting through the day with very little sleep began to affect me. I couldn't concentrate at work. I didn't care about work anymore. I wanted to be home to help. I asked to take leave to help take care of my Dad, but I had used up all of my allowed leave for maternity. So, I made my choice, and here I am, blogging from home seven months later.

In my next post, I will write about how things turned out after I decided to resign. See you then ;-)

B