A nice drive, disposable plates and a cup o' Joe

I knew that there would be things that I would miss once I stopped working. I was not sure how much it would bother me, but I expected some things to bother me more than others. There are things I miss, but they are not what I had expected them to be.

I miss the adult interaction with my co-workers. But I do not miss it as much as I feared. Facebook is wonderful for keeping in touch with friends and acquaintances. It almost makes up for the face-to-face banter. I am not a very social person anyway. There are several at-home moms in my neighborhood with children close to my own in age, so if I need some adult conversation all I need to do is reach out to my neighbors (which I have yet to do), or take a walk over to Mom's. And the best part is, I can use Facebook with one hand while I feed the baby with the other!

I spend much more time in the kitchen than I thought I would. One would think that a dishwasher, a microwave oven and non-stick cookware can help get you in and out of the kitchen in no time. Ha! Cable TV shows also make cooking seem like a snap. Rachel Ray might be able to whip up a meal in 30 minutes but I am sure she doesn't have to clean the pots, the floor and the counters afterwards. And she does not have two kids playing underfoot! I would like to see at least one show where she has to constantly shoo a preschooler out of the kitchen, dodge flying sippy cups, and hold a conversation with a smart-assed high school kid above the noise of a screaming baby while chopping onions. Yeah, that's an episode I would love to see.

I thought I would miss shopping for myself but I don't. Any sort of shopping has now become a chore. I would much rather browse online for things and although I admit I have been tempted to snag a few things, so far it has not been hard to tell myself I don't need it and move on. We'll see how well I can keep my shopping urges down through the holiday season.

All in all, I have been content with my lifestyle change. I have been okay for the most part with the things I have given up. That is not to say I don't miss them. Below are the three things I miss the most:

My commute. Yes, really. I know that probably sounds crazy to most people, but as far as driving to work goes, it did not get much better than mine. It would take me ten minutes to get to work; fifteen if traffic was bad or I caught all the red lights. I drove against rush traffic and there was ample parking in the employee parking lot. But more than the drive, I miss the time I had to myself. Twenty minutes of peaceful time to myself. It doesn't sound like much, and I never thought twice about it. It is one of those things you don't know you have until you don't have it anymore.

Paper plates. True, it is not the most environmentally responsible thing to do, but using paper plates was one of the ways we saved time (and water) back when we were a two income household. We would eat supper at my mother's house, so our main meal at home was breakfast. We had very little time to eat in the morning, and the last thing we wanted to come home to at night was a stack of dirty dishes, so we would stock up on paper plates. Now, paper plates are an unnecessary luxury, but even with a dishwasher it is a pain to keep the dirty dishes from piling up. My dishwasher use has more than tripled since I
stopped working. Considering all the time I spend in the kitchen, any shortcut would be welcome, but the convenience and savings on my water bill does not justify the cost or the wastefulness. So I will reserve the paper plates for certain occasions.

And the thing I miss more than anything else:



A really good cup of coffee. I am not talking about a $3.50 Venti Misto. The best coffee is the cup you make at home- your way! I am talking about a half-cup of freshly ground, dark roast coffee scooped into the coffee maker basket first thing in the morning. Sam's Club's fair trade organic brand is one of the best, but a pound of Dunkin' Donuts whole bean will do. But at 8 to 16 dollars a pound, that too was a casualty of the lifestyle change. Now the morning greets me with whatever I can find on sale (ugh)! Too bad Sam’s Club does not do discount sales on their coffee.

All things considered, I really don't have much to complain about. There are people out there losing their jobs, losing their homes. I am blessed enough to have the means to be home with my children during their preschool years. On the other hand, to say that I am truly content would be fooling myself. But this is a good thing. I hope to someday be able to once again buy whatever coffee I wish. However, for the sake of environmental responsibility, I am going to have to reconsider my preference for paper plates.

A dark, sad time

I haven’t been looking forward to writing about my dad, but I realize it is important to do so for this blog. Even though he was very sick for a long time, he had overcome so many close calls and setbacks that it was still a shock when he finally did pass. My father loved life and did not want to die, even though he was frail and in constant pain. He was a fighter, too, so the way he left us was rather unexpected.

My father had cirrhosis of the liver. When the liver ceases to function properly, the toxins build up in the brain, causing encephalopathy. The way I understand it to be, encephalopathy is the effect of damaged or destroyed brain cells, which causes the afflicted person to lose motor function, causing what is called ‘the shakes’. It is similar to Parkinson’s Disease. The toxins, mainly ammonia that is not filtered out of the bloodstream, also affect lucidity. There is a medicine that works wonders on this. It is a simple chemical, I believe a type of sugar called enulose, that both neutralizes the ammonia in the body and flushes out the body to help remove toxins and things the liver would normally take care of. My father took this for years, but unfortunately the effect slowly diminished.

Once I was home with the little ones my mother was able to focus her attention on my father. The trembling and confusion from the encephalopathy meant that he had to be watched around the clock, so being home at that time was exactly what needed to happen. But I would like to note that I am not the hero here. When my sister realized what was going on she made arrangements with her employer to telecommute so she could help out. He was so happy to see her. My mother was able to run errands and take breaks. And, my sister would be there for as long as she needed to be. As it turned out, it wasn’t all that long.

I knew my father was not going to bounce back this time. But I expected- everyone expected- a long, drawn-out process, with him fighting all the way. I was prepared to face IV feeding, long days at hospitals, bedside vigils as he slid into a coma. What I did not expect was to be visiting my parents one night, trying unsuccessfully to help my dad sit up, and then have my sister knocking on my door early the next morning to tell me that he was on his last breaths. By the time I got to Mom’s house, he was gone. Though he was very sick for a very long time, it was still as shocking and perplexing as if he had been run over by a bus. I still don’t understand why it was so sudden. I only pray that he wasn’t trying to sit up the night before to try to give me a hug or say goodbye.

But even more stunning than my father’s passing was how my dog suddenly got sick. I assumed he was stressed about everything that was going on and disregarded his lack of appetite and vomiting. But the day after the funeral (Easter Sunday) he looked so sick that I took him to the emergency vet, who diagnosed him with renal failure. They kept him overnight but he did not respond to treatment. We had to put him to sleep the next day. I cannot even begin to describe how guilty I still feel for ignoring him. That was four days after my dad passed away.

The following couple of weeks were tough. Thank God for family. They are always there when you need them. Never ever take your family for granted, even if you don’t see them very much. Because when you must get through your darkest hours, they are the ones who will be there to help you through. Thank you everyone for your condolences and warm wishes. They were much needed and welcome.

So one afternoon not long afterwards I am sitting at my computer, with no job, no dog, and no dad. I am going through my e-mail and find a message from the editor of a tiny publishing company I had submitted one of my stories to. It was not a rejection letter. Quite the opposite.

Sometime next year my first novel will be published. It may sound like a happy ending, but it’s not. It is only the beginning, and I have a lot of work to do.

B